Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I will be naked everywhere
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
