brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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