I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
too bad you live with your parents still
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I did not marry a roomba.
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