I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
