My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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