Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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