Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
