So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
