Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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