He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
