i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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