ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
