make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
