Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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