i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
