you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
