I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
