I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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