you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
