I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
false alarm. still invincible.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
