Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
