I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
