When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
