She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
