some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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