U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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