My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
