I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I look better un-naked...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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