Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.