I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
