You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
