He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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