Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
