Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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