I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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