Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
