Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My penis needs a shock collar
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
