I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Say something about gay babies.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
