i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
