Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
