even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
