I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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