I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
