we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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