my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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