He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize