living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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