Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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