...so i touched it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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