i don't like sucking hair
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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