im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
