wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
