he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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