let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
