So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
