You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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