How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
