I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
