weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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