2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
