omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
