Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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