My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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