I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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