he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
