Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
