Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
