Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will pee on everything he values.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
