I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
