It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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