i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
