What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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