forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
