just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
