I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
