His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
